Insanity of the night
by Scana
Summary: Here he goes again. Another night, another nightmare. There is only one place he can hide and feel safe. Slow fluff, just to have some happy ending. SNARRY
1. Chapter 1

**This is something I wanted to write like the true** _ **Edge Lord**_ **I am in real life. It won't be anything too explicit, my goal is rough cuteness. It was basically a way for me to let out some steam.**

 **My idea is, that there is some distance between each chapter. Let's say one or two weeks. I wanted to capture the most important moments, rather than describing how the two got there, so I changed some details too.**

 **I'm not really sure how it will work out in the end, but I needed to write something little bit different.**

 **Thank you very much for your support and I hope, you'll enjoy this story.**

Harry woke up to the sound of his own cries, to the lack of air, to the immense heat. He felt like he was trapped in some box, just a small stone box without windows, without air, without light without sound. Without anything. It was just him and the darkness. He could feel his choking heart trying to go on, crushing his chest as he desperately tried to breathe.

He looked around. It was still dark. He couldn't hear anything. His arm jolted sooner than he could think and pulled the curtains of his bed away. Cold white light almost blinded him. It was just the moon turning every object in the room different shade of blue.

Something wasn't right. His heart kept on beating furiously. It was the moment he looked at the door. They swung open slowly almost lazily. Dark shadow behind them with familiar hisses said his name.

" _Harry."_

The last thing Harry saw was glistening eyes and mad grin. Everything turned green and he felt the pain spreading through his torso. The cramps made his whole body stiff and forced every piece of life out of him.

Harry woke up once again. He felt sweat dripping from his temples, he swore he could feel the cold touch of the unforgivable curse. His heart was about to give up on him. Harry jerked out of his bed, falling to the cold stone floor. He heard ripping sounds of some fabric – as he took some of his curtains with him. But he could also hear Ron's snoring as well as breathing of the other boys. He was safe. He wasn't dreaming anymore.

His whole body was shaking. Everything was in dark shadows, not a sound in a sleeping castle could tell him if he was going to be okay. If he will be ever capable of sleeping normal again.

Harry decided this couldn't go on. He couldn't stay in this room any longer. He grabbed his invisibility cloak and ran. Letting himself to just run away from his life just until morning. When the sun goes up he will be his normal self for sure.

First, he thought he could go to up to the towers to see Hedwig or just to see the sky. But then he changed his mind. It wouldn't calm him down. He would just blankly stare to the night getting colder and colder.

He was losing his mind for sure.

After all these years Harry knew the castle inside out. He didn't need the light anymore – not that he had his wand with him. He was reckless. And stupid. And thick-headed. And he had no idea why he thought that _this place_ would calm him. Just until morning though.

Every step sounded like a bash of hammer to his ears. Every breath was cutting deep in his throat. _Just a little bit more. Just a little bit more. Just a little bit more._

Finally, he stood before the most feared door in the whole castle. And he was mad enough to bang on them with his fist.

An intense feeling of warmth and light just waved right through him. He knew very well he was expected. Tall figure stepped to the side and let him go in.

"What is it today, Potter?" Snape barked at him. Harry examined his professor only to come to the conclusion that he didn't wake him up. He stood still and nervous and scared in the middle of the room. At first, he looked around, at the well-known surfaces, at the gentle light of candles, the cracking sound of a fireplace filled his head. He was still half hiding under the cloak trying to find any sign of deception, trying to find any glimpse of those red eyes. He found none. To this point he was ignoring his professor's questioning gaze and his rising bad mood.

"I had another one," he answered simply. Harry was in these rooms almost every night for the past few weeks. Ever since the bad dreams started. He didn't know why, but every time he had some, he just ran here like crazy. He hid here till the crack of dawn trying to put his sanity back together.

Snape wasn't nice to him. His bitter remarks remained the same but… In some way he _cared._

"Did you take the potion?" Severus touched lightly his arm to direct him towards the sofa.

"Yes, precisely as you told me," Harry let him navigate himself. He threw away the cloak and collapsed near the fireplace.

"Tell me," Snape sat beside him, giving him a gentle command.

Harry began to shake again as he went through every detail. His breathing was painful again, his palms were sweating. At the end he looked miserably at his professor with unspoken words in his eyes. _Help me, please._

Harry closed his eyes, pressing them with fists as he tried not to cry. He was a mess. Soon he felt two strong, yet gentle arms around him, pulling him closer to the embrace. He willingly welcomed it. He leaned forward to hide his face in the chest of the other man.

"I'm losing my mind," Harry whispered softly, "I- I just knew… but- I'm losing my mind," he attempted to say something more, but the words wouldn't go out. They kept dying in his throat.

He looked at his student, breaking in his arms as he failed to do anything important. Severus' mind was filled with great words, comforting sentences and harsh comments. None of it made any sense to him once he said them out loud. Potter didn't look like he needed words anyway. Regardless his fears and terrors Potter was actually very warm. So warm it was almost consuming. Almost unbearable. Severus wondered if he was cold in Potter's hands.

Severus always wondered but never asked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay! Here is the second chapter. I changed some sentences, so they sound better. I'll post maybe one more just to get rid of the things in my head. I know it isn't happy or heart-warming or even original. But in some kind of way it felt right to write it.**

 **I hope you'll enjoy it at least a little bit.**

Harry woke up with the green light still blinding his eyes. He could hear the screaming, the howling laughter. Harry get up, startled, looked around his bedroom. Everything was normal. Everything was in place just as he left it when he went to sleep.

" _Harry."_

It wasn't the room what was missing something. Harry grabbed his shirt, clenching his fist over the fabric trying to feel his heart beating. His eyes were wide, staring at the blank space. The only thing he could hear was fizzing in his ears and his ragged breathing. He started to panic.

Harry placed his palms all over his chest. Everything was intact, he wasn't hurt. But something was gone. His own senses played games with him. Harry didn't know what was true and what was dream anymore. He hated this dark night time when he was all alone.

Everything around him was spinning. Everything was in one mass of chaos without end. He wasn't really sure how he managed to get from his bed to the dungeons so quickly. It must have been a miracle.

"Potter what in the hell are you-!" Severus didn't have the chance to finish whatever he wanted to say.

Harry stormed in pulling out his hair. "He took it! He took it. He…. I- I don't-!"

"Potter! Potter calm down!" Severus closed the door. His sharp tongue made Harry shut up for a moment. Severus looked at the boy properly. Potter looked like a lunatic. He was panting hard, sweat run down his neck, eyes wide in panic and terror.

Harry began to mumble again shaking all over. Severus had to step in one more time. He touched the boy's shoulders making him look at his face. He was getting tired of this. Potter had to do something about his nightmares.

" _Who_ took _what?"_ his voice was harsh, but Harry haven't noticed. Severus buried his nails in the flesh of Harry's arm, he was impatient.

"Voldemort. H-he took my heart," Harry cried in desperation.

Severus thought that the boy must be still dreaming. He felt the radiant heat coming from him. Harry gazed upon him, he looked almost pathetic. Why for the Merlin's sake would he be so terrified?

"What do I do? Professor, what do I do? I still feel it. The unforgivables creeping inside me. They're so cold," Harry muttered again. His knees gave up. He crumbled to the ground covering his chest with his arms trying to warm himself up. He was lying on the stone floor feverish.

Severus acted quickly. He searched in his shelves for a while before reaching for one small vial.

He knelt before Potter and touched his shoulder lightly. Are my fingers cold on his skin? Flashed through Snape's mind.

"Drink this," a firm command made Harry obey. He drank slowly, his hand still shaking. It was bitter. Harry chocked up and started to cough. Hesitant hand caressed his back rubbing it, making him feel better.

"Now tell me what is going on!"

"I don't know what's true anymore! It felt **so** real. I was just dying over and over…" Harry was tilting from back to front hugging his torso.

"Potter snap out of it!" Snape shook him. Harry looked at him petrified. _Pain in the ass._ Silent curses slipped Severus's lips as he pulled Potter closer to him, disentangling his hands. The potion should work already.

"Talk to me, Potter, what happened?" Severus had to hold himself back from smacking this thick-headed fool.

"I was here at Hogwarts. It was supper time. We were talking with Ron and Hermione about something and suddenly the door swung open. Death eaters crawled in started to attack immediately. No one had a chance to react. At last Voldemort came in. He drew his wand, pointed at my heart and ripped it out. I could hear others screaming in pain as he crushed it and tortured me, keeping me alive so I could see how everyone die, then he finally killed me," Harry was talking slowly, his mind fighting back as it didn't want to remember the dream anymore.

"It was just a dream. Nothing more," Severus held Harry's arms not quite sure what to tell him except to stop whining.

"How can you be so sure?! I'm not even sure what's going on anymore! I'm telling you, the pain was so real. It still lingers inside me! I woke up and I-I … I _couldn't_ feel my heart!" Harry cried in shock pulling further away from Severus.

"Stop it, already, will you?" Severus snapped at him, "Nothing of what you saw was real! It was all just an illusion. You are here, Potter, much to my own discomfort, here and alive with everybody else!"

Harry glanced at him, his face grey and his eyes getting darker and darker. He was completely under the influence of the nightmare.

"It doesn't matter! It **felt** real! That is enough for me! I don't want this anymore, I hate this! It just won't stop aching," Harry cried now with tears running down his face.

Severus surprised himself by his next course of action. He reached out his hand, get closer to Potter and despite his struggling hands, Severus touched his chest. He felt Harry's heart pound insanely in his rib cage.

"Does this feel **real** enough, you stubborn, arrogant brat?!" now they were both shouting.

They looked at each other with slightly flushed expressions. Harry was still sobbing, lost for words. The hand on his chest felt so warm.

Severus pulled Harry even closer to him, his own mind spinning with anger and lack of sleep. He found those faded eyes, his hand still on the brat's heart. Severus leaned closer and simply kissed him. He felt how Potter's body stiffened and after few seconds melted into the kiss.

"Does this feel real enough?" he whispered when their lips parted. The stupid Potter boy haven't opened his eyes yet. Harry's heart was shaking up his whole upper body.

"Yes," he breathed out and finally looked at his professor. He rested his forehead on Snape's shoulder, snuggling himself into his arms.

"Does it ache?" Severus asked once more.

"Yes," Harry nodded hiding his flushed cheeks.

"Good."


	3. Chapter 3

**This really short mini-chapter was written because I liked the idea of Harry waking up in Severus' bed, but it doesn't fit in either chapter well. I'm very content with the end of the second chapter and I thought that adding this would ruin the moment.**

 **Unfortunately, the same goes for the third chapter. It is very light and fluffy. Hope you enjoy it!**

Harry woke up. Touch of something heavy, slimy and cold lingered on his skin. His arm was in the air reaching for something that was never there. His voice, a mere whisper, caught up with his brain slowly. Smooth hissing echoed in his mind.

 _Harry._

Harry was startled because he couldn't move. He opened his eyes slowly not recognizing the ceiling above him. He panicked for a second before he became aware of the immense heat around him. But he couldn't wake up after all. It was as if some heavy fluffy clouds kept his mind shut down and useless.

Where was he? This room, this bed… It isn't in his dorms, right? _His bed…_

It was no good. Harry was indeed awfully slow. And he had this very bitter taste in his mouth. He smacked his tongue a few times to adjust the feeling of his teeth. He tried to remember what _time_ he was in.

Harry groaned with pain. His hand jerked to feel his brow, rubbing it. _Where was he?_ It wasn't a dark place, but there wasn't a usual light of day either. He managed to lift his upper body and sit in the bed.

That was when the arm slid down from his stomach to his lap. What is _an_ _arm_ doing in his… this bed? He traced the forearm way up to the shoulders and to the throat and to the face of it's owner at last.

Harry knew he was looking at something familiar. He just couldn't put two and tow together. He was certain he saw that long black velvet hair somewhere before. As well as the hooked nose.

"Ehhhhhh," he intended to say something terribly intelligent, but his brain failed gracefully. One eye in the face next to him opened. He was looking at it like it was a freak show. _An eye?_

"Sleep, Potter. It's still early. The potion hasn't worn of yet," he heard some hoarse voice coming from the collage of ridiculous shapes.

"Ehhhh," he failed miserably again. His body was fighting him, demanding its sleep. Harry laid down, hoping this was another nightmare. He didn't know how he could psychologically proceed this experience without serious damage to his mental health.

He decided it was for the best not think right now, about anything. He just closed his eyes and pressed himself back to the comfortable source of heat. He heard some more mumbling, but he chose to ignore it. The last thing Harry remembered was very soothing beating. It almost sounded like drumming, guiding him carefully to his sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry woke up. His own hands stretched in the air scared the life out of him. Just what was he calling? Who was he talking to? His restless mind welcomed the darkness surrounding him as well as the deadly silence.

His ribcage was lifting itself in rather chaotic manner. He slowly pulled his hands back and rested one of it on his forehead. He closed his eyes once again.

How long? How long would he suffer from this insane torture?

 _Harry._

Harry was scared. He was terrified. The voice filling his mind was different from before. This one was seeking for him, calling for him. This voice awoke sharp, boiling pain right in his chest. It flooded over his body, resting in his stomach, giving him shivers.

What was it? It felt different from his other nightmares. This wasn't Voldemort, right?

It locked his mind in new kind of nightmares, focusing only on the light touch of that cursed kiss. Was it even real? Or was his mind playing tricks on him again? It was unbearable.

He was helpless and restless, he couldn't sleep anymore. It was no good. Harry got up, and went for a walk. He sneaked through the dark corridors among the statues, tapestries, long shadows and howling wind. He was getting colder and colder, yet his insides were blistering. Several minutes later he was standing before the doomed door. He kept staring at them, his hand in the air ready to knock.

He lightly brushed his knuckles over the wood. It was enough. The doors swung open without a sounds and Harry got in.

In the long nights of solitude, of fear and hate and eternal cold Harry somewhat knew. He knew, that the warmth spreading in his veins was calling him back to life. This feeling growing, the only one, who could possibly make him feel alive again, stood behind that door. Inches away from him. Harry felt nervous, he was panicked, and he wondered if his fingers aren't too cold, when he grabbed hand of his professor. Severus' skin felt boiling hot under his innocent touch.

"What are you doing, Potter?" his barking voice was the same as usual. No mercy to spare with Harry.

"I couldn't sleep." Harry whispered. His fingers were shaking slightly when they slipped in the palm of the older man. He was looking into his infinitely consuming eyes, drowning in his own thoughts. Harry was too scared to talk about the little touches he and Severus shared over the past few weeks.

"I deduced that much," bitter sarcastic remark. Yet Severus' hand was welcoming and kind, squeezing his own gently.

"Am I still here?" Harry asked carefully not wanting to upset the professor.

"Don't be stupid, Potter, of course you're still here," Severus was impatient again. He hoped that Potter won't come down here anymore after what happened last time. And yet the boy sought his help, when being in distress. Seriously. How thick-headed was he? Couldn't he tell that he wasn't the only one who had trouble sleeping? Severus eyes flamed with anger. Stupid selfish brat.

Harry inspected Severus' face, trying to understand why he seemed suddenly so miserable. Harry brushed tips of his fingers lightly against Severus' palm, trying to convey feelings he yet needed to comprehend himself.

"I can't be sure anymore. I can't tell what's dream and what's real when the nigh falls."

"How poetic."

Harry's cheeks blazed with heat making him turn his face away. He was so tired of not understanding. Of not knowing. Of not having any control.

"But it's true," frustration in his voice more than evident, "I feel like madman. Like nothing makes sense anymore except this place," Harry pointed randomly at many things in the room, gesturing what he meant with his free hand.

"That is truly flattering but I can't see how I can help you, Potter. If you do not suffer from any consequences from your nightmares I fail to see the reason behind your frequent visits here. And let me remind you, that nor any potions nor any of my advices helped you so far," despite his words Severus squeezed Harry's hand almost painfully hard.

"You're wrong. Maybe potions weren't the best option for dealing with my fears, but your presence and your k-kindness always showed me the right way," Harry felt like these humiliating words were the only way how he could express his gratitude. Severus haven't a word. Merely one lifted eyebrow was more than enough for answer. It gave Harry the impression that he should explain himself more and clarify what was said.

"For example, the kiss! It still lingers inside me, burning me alive and I have no idea if it was only a dream or if it really happened, but it makes me think of you, it reminds me of your gentleness, that you never tossed me out when I came here, you always listened…" Harry trailed of. He wasn't capable of thinking normally anymore. He was exhausted. He tried to bottle his emotions inside him, so he wouldn't ridicule himself, but it seemed pointless at this point. It didn't help he had no idea what he was trying to say with his embarrassing monologue and felt the urge to run away.

However, it looked like it made Severus interested. The older man carefully pulled Harry closer to him, examining Harry's eyes closely, trying to find whether he told the truth. Finally, Severus reached out and stroked his foolishly blushed cheek.

Severus was fairly confused. He couldn't wrap his head around this boy anymore. After so many years of fights and hate Potter has the guts to call him gentle? Caring? It was preposterous at least.

"Perhaps we are both madmen, Potter," Severus relaxed for the first time in Harry's presence. Seeing how vulnerable the boy was, how stupidly he spilled his heart out, it almost made him smile. Harry nuzzled his hand, sighing. Murmuring words for himself.

Some part of Severus couldn't stand this anymore. He leaned closer to Harry, cupping his face, kissing him slowly. He felt the rising heat in his chest spreading through him, knowing exactly how dangerous Potter was for him. Soon Severus was taken aback by Harry's eagerness. Wondering if this young Gryffindor will be the one who will burn him down for good, he was afraid if his fingertips weren't too cold on Harry's radiating skin.

 **Hello!**

 **I'm really happy I could update this story again. And I'm so sorry it took so long.**

 **It's harder to write this than some other stories, because this isn't so easy-going, so I need to be in the right mood, but I love it!**

 **I hope you enjoyed reading this and please let me know what you think! I'm forever thankful for your reactions and support.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Why do you keep coming here, Potter?" at this point, it was more of a rhetorical question. Severus did not really expect Harry to give him some intelligent answer. He looked at the boy.

Harry was standing in his door. Insolent enough he let himself in without waiting for Severus' approval. He was still panting and his eyes pierced Severus almost painfully. He was visibly shaking, and Severus felt more tempted than ever to look what was going on in that head of his student.

Expression on Severus face gave away rather obviously how much annoyance he felt towards the incompetent brat in front of him. But more than anything, Severus felt tired. And old. Comparing himself to the young wizard, trying to find some sense in his own behavior and Potter's behavior, was indeed exhausting. He hasn't dared to dig into their last encounter. To think about the special moments, they shared was far too dangerous.

Besides he simply felt pity and sorry for the boy. That was it. He only took advantage of him, because Harry offered himself. He was still mad at him for disturbing him at nights, for making Severus go through all that trouble.

"I keep dreaming," the Potter-boy said.

"Everyone dreams. That makes you no exception. I am not interested in your foolish fantasies. I thought we discussed that matter last time," Severus hid his brow and eyes in his palm for a moment. Indeed, he was too tired. The weight of all the world rested on his shoulders.

"Not just the nightmares, I dream about this place too." Gryffindor whispered. Severus gave him a disapproving look.

"This is no time for your stupid jokes and pranks. Now, leave me alone, Potter," Severus was barking at him, watching the smile slowly fade from Harry's eyes. Not knowing why, he had to be always so poisonous. Why couldn't he simply care for the boy. Calm him down, let him live.

Severus sighed. He was a selfish man. Ruthless man. Trying to redeem his soul through saving Potter could not help him. He was beyond the point of saving. Both were. And making more mistakes like last time could not help their situation at all.

Deeply in his heart Severus felt hurt and scared. Hurt because of what he did to Potter, _with_ Potter. And scared because… because it was too hard to face him.

It felt ridiculous. He could manage the lying, spying, torturing and killing. Any time when it was needed. But one conversation with this stupid, spoiled, childish, thick-headed fool made him turn his eyes away and hide.

"I can't," Harry answered his anger simply, "I can't. I've told you so many times already! I'm scared and alone. Do you think that if I could talk with my friends about this, I wouldn't?" Harry suddenly raised his voice. Frustration filled his expression and made him look furious.

"Do you think that if I could stop this, I wouldn't? Do you think I want this? I enjoy this? Well, surprise! I don't, and I don't and I don't! I'm sick of it! I feel useless and pathetic and weak!" Harry's eyes burned when he looked at Severus' rather stoic expression.

"I'm sorry I'm not the perfect hero! I'm sorry I'm not stronger or smarter! I'm sorry I'm not the Golden boy everyone sees me as!" the boy collapsed on the sofa, "I'm sorry I'm not better. And I'm sorry for being an inconvenience. I'm sorry for troubling you. I'm sorry for being a mess. I'm sorry for needing you," Harry's voice lost his former strength. After those last words, heavy and uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"You do not need _me_ , Potter," Severus said cautiously. He hasn't moved, his back still faced the door and his arms were crossed.

"You need a place where you can vent your emotions. Even though I feel… _troubled_ at least that you have chosen me as the target of your frustration, I simply cannot allow this to continue. You need to stop this,"

"I can't. I swear, I tried, but I can't. I told you so many times before, nothing makes sense except you. Everything keeps changing around me. And yet you are the only person who is changing with me. I feel alone, like a freak, like darkness always creeping over my friend's happiness. But I feel comfortable here. And I-" Severus stopped the boy mid-sentence.

"That is enough! Stop talking about yourself, Potter! Things changes. That is part of life. And I believe it is far too late for philosophical debate," Severus turned his back to him. Leaving the door open he hoped the stupid brat get the message and just leaves. Leaves before anyone gets even more hurt.

Harry jumped out of the sofa. "I'm sorry, professor. I am selfish and self-centered and egoist, but I simply can't stop talking about my feelings towards you, this place, because you're the one whom I…" Harry trailed off. Standing, not moving a muscle, watching every move of his professor. His heart was pounding he felt naked and embarrassed. He wished it wasn't truth. Harry prayed for the feeling to be gone, to change like everything else.

But every night they reminded the same. With every bad dream, every pleasant dream his mind was obsessing over his potion professor. Yes, Severus Snape was the only one who could make Harry's heart ache so much just to show him how cruel it was, being alive.

Severus looked over his shoulder, ready to smirk and hex the thick-headed prat. But he saw trembling young adult with blushed face and bothered eyes.

He sighed, making few steps and closed his door.

"Why are you making everything so bloody hard?" Severus whispered still facing the wood. Harry muttered few stupid words which made Severus smile.

"This is no time for childish jokes."

Soft apology came as an answer.

Severus leaned against the door, crossing arms on his chest as to protect himself from any further closeness.

After few minutes of silence Harry reached slowly for Severus's hand. Just brushing his fingers lightly across Severus's clenched fists. How could be this touch so calming yet so destroying? It made Harry shiver.

"But last time it wasn't so difficult, was it?"

Severus couldn't believe what he just heard. Did Potter really bring that up? He hid his face once again in his palms, trying to see some solutions to this mess.

"Potter, you were a mess, I was a mess. That is all it was. I am your professor. We shall not speak about that… _incident_ ever again."

Severus said those words, but his mind was focused on something completely different. It hurt his pride too much to acknowledge it, but he felt scared. Scared of facing this teenager with all his emotions.

"I'm sorry for being stupid, for being weak and bothersome. I'm sorry for being reckless and naïve," Harry whispered, "I'm sorry for not knowing what to do, for not listening. And I'm sorry for not realizing sooner."

Severus felt like this monologue will continue endlessly. He took a sharp breath ready to cut Potter out and cast him from his rooms for good. It didn't matter how much was Potter scared or unsure. It didn't matter if he found his way into Severus' heart, if Severus cared about him or not.

"Realizing what exactly? How much you're intruding my personal space? How you're jeopardizing our mission or how you're putting our lives at risk? Well thank you, Potter, but the truly important thing you need to learn is that there is nothing for you in these rooms. Nor there is any reason why these outrageous visits should continue."

That's right. Potter isn't the only one who needs protection. Severus needs to think about his own safety first. It went too far already. It need to stop, or he won't be able to hold back anymore.

Harry's hand was still firmly holding on one of Severus'. He did not flinch; his eyes were still piercing Severus fiercely.

"I just wanted to say – sorry for making you angry and worried," Harry stood silent for a moment, "I just long for someone who can understand. For someone who won't break, who can be strong while I'll be weak for a moment. None of my friends are like this. They are strong and kind, but so pure. I feel like I'm corrupting them. Making them do dark things. I know that despite their kindness eventually, they'd broke if they saw me like this."

Harry looked away. The weight of his actions and his words hit him so suddenly he almost fell.

"I don't feel normal, when I'm with them. But when I'm with you I can be whoever I need to be. You accept me, talk to me, touch _me_. I'm not just some hero image when I'm here. And I'm sorry but I simply can't stop talking about myself and about my feelings! Even if it bothers you!"

"It's alright. I understand."

It was weird to hear Severus whisper. It made Harry stop talking for once and the silence between them was comforting. Giving them much needed space to understand and collect their thoughts. Even though Harry felt like his brain was long gone and Severus was thinking constantly.

Severus felt the need to ask a lot more questions, but before he could speak, he realized that Potter already gave him the answers. The only thing that remained was whether Severus will accept them or not.

His heart was settled but his mind wasn't. He saw far too many dissimilarities, far too many reasons why this would never work out. He was too old, Harry was still so young, he shouldn't waste his time on rigid greasy men. Severus could be strong for him, comfort him, but he felt like the boy is still too naïve to understand Severus. And he had no boundaries whatsoever.

He was so far gone in his own defenses and walls he wasn't really sure how to open himself to this boy. And frankly Severus was still afraid even Harry couldn't find the capacity in himself to truly acknowledge all Snape's motivations and dark, incredibly cruel actions. To truly understand. The difference in life experiences between them was far too great. Not speaking about how Potter needs all the attention in the world, it would be exhausting.

It could be pleasuring, beautiful and perfect, for a moment to be with young Gryffindor, but it wouldn't be fair to use this boy, his affections and chaotic states of mind to fill Severus's own needs. Severus simply couldn't see himself with Harry as equals, as having equal parts in this hypothetic relationship. He was afraid it would be all about Potter and his feelings all the time. He was afraid Potter would need constant validation, and Snape knew, he didn't have the patience nor the strength for that.

Severus didn't want to be Potter's teacher all his life and some parts of him wished he knew Harry was capable of giving proper support and care, but how could a _boy_ good twenty years younger than him, give what Severus was asking for? Severus knew very well he had no right to want that.

So how could be Potter talking about love? What can he know about love?

Severus was no longer touching Potter. He wasn't even looking at him properly. He crossed his arms again and sighted.

"This madness needs to stop, Potter. You are just a child. You are tortured and confused. You just need to recollect yourself again, talk to your friends properly, stop acting so foolishly." Severus' voice was bitter.

Harry was still silent for a few moments. He tried to comprehend what was Snape telling him, but it wasn't easy. He felt like the harsh words are just another nightmare. He didn't understand and wished he could wake up any moment now.

He felt corners of his eyes burning and it was hard to breathe. He wanted to say so many things, but at the same time he didn't know how to react.

Harry run his fingers through his hair few times and then he finally looked up at Severus. Harry wanted to touch him, to make everything good again, but the professor was clear. He opened the door and Harry went.


End file.
